Rough Monday

I didn't get a chance to write about Monday night. The short version of the story is that I'm not really getting back on track like I planned. It was just a really awful combination of things that let to me having my roughest night in a very long time. Hormones, sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and a caffeine crash. Recipe for disaster, really. I made it to sleep around 8.

It was odd; just when I was reaching a point when I thought I could go to sleep, I started panicking very suddenly. It became the worst attack I've ever had, lasting about 10 minutes. It was just as I was finally coming down from it that I checked my email and saw that Jerry had contacted me. Under normal circumstances I would have been able to stay calm, but I was extremely on edge at this point. I was very close to panicking again, but I managed to keep it together. In any case, I spent the next day resting (though I did make it to the one class I had).

Last night I made it to bed around 4. Not bad, relatively speaking, but I still haven't slept quite enough. On top of that, in all the chaos of the last couple of days, I forgot a presentation that I was supposed to have done for today. I was supposed to do it with a partner, but, for some reason, though she messaged me twice about working on it, I didn't get the messages until this morning. Thanks, facebook. All I can really do is tell the professor the truth and see if there's a way I can make up for it. (Update: my professor was really cool about it -- I just have to turn in a written piece for next class.)

The hardest thing right now is feeling like I'm constantly getting knocked back on my ass every time I think it's going to get better. There are things I've been meaning to accomplish for weeks and never seem to have the energy or motivation for, for some reason or another. It's a miracle I've managed to keep up with basic responsibilities like class and tutoring. I guess I should be thankful for that.